We're excited to welcome Kallie Kerne, founder of Frankincense and Faith, to the MOB blog. You can learn more about Kallie and how to connect with her at the end of the blog post.
Excuses, Expectations, Failure, and Fear…
Am I the only person who cringes or used to cringe when thinking about words like this?
If that is you or was you, sit tight. Vulnerable Valerie here to share my story. My name is really Kallie, but Valerie sounded better with vulnerable.
First off, why do we allow words like this to define us? Why do we give so much power to a word? We’ve all done it a time or two or 200,000. We allow them to control us. We allow them to paralyze us. We allow them to hold us hostage in the past and prevent us from marching forward into the future.
If anyone can find the answer to this, please let me know.
I think that maybe part of it has to do with fear. Fear of what others may think, what they may say, of being real, of being vulnerable, and of just being us. Afraid that people won’t like us. Worried that they won’t work with us. Scared that they may judge our parenting style. Fearful they won’t be our friend or include us in their group.
I can’t tell you how many times these thoughts have crossed my mind.
I remember vividly thinking I was a bad Mom because my kid didn’t go to bed at 6:30. I’ve been terrified of what I was teaching Reed because we chose to send him to “private” school. My heart physically ached the day Reed came home and asked me why I could never pick him up in the car line after school like other moms. I’ve cried so many tears because my happily ever after was backwards from the norm.
I’ve balled more times than I can count because I’m not growing what I think is fast enough in my business. I was numb for nearly 5 months after missing a very lucrative promotion by one point. One!!! I’ve let fear paralyze me to my home in a new state for a year because I knew no one and worried that I wouldn’t be enough for them.
We have these preconceived expectations that things are supposed to go a certain way and when they don’t then we have failed. Want a truth bomb? You may think its failure, but it’s really just experience that we are gaining. If something does not go as planned that is absolutely not failure. It is just temporary defeat. Failure cannot be a real thing unless it is accepted by us and we seal it as concrete. And want to know something else really cool? Failure has the ability to break what we call insanity and push us to be able to get a fresh perspective and new start.
We make excuses because it’s easier to sit in our comfort zone that to commit and execute. Even taking that very first step after making a decision can be so much for people that it causes things like anxiety and stress. We give way too much power to words like these as well as shame and fear when we spend too much time.
We fail when we stop moving. We stop moving because of things like I have mentioned above. Failing is a part of winning and helps to make us more determined. We just have to keep moving. Or maybe we should keep the movie quote “just keep swimming” in mind. Hope you’ve said it in Dory’s voice. ;)
Life happens. We can’t prevent that. What we can do is alter the way we see things. We deserve to live our best life. Things really started changing for me when I had a major shift in mindset. Less than a year ago, I started approaching things with the “Why Not Me” attitude. This was a huge year of change for me. I’ve realized that change can be beautiful and that it’s needed. I’ve realized that excuses weigh me down, expectations are the root of all evil and heartache, failure can be beautiful, and fear is a liar and a freaking thief.
Why not put yourselves out there? Why not be raw, be vulnerable, and tell your story. No one else is going to do it for us. It’s up to us to show the world our gifts, let them see our heart, allow them to love us for who we are, and educate the world on what sets us apart.
Is it scary? Absolutely. But isn’t anything that’s truly worth it? The moment we realize that us playing small is not allowing us to truly become who we are meant to be, that’s when transformation comes. It may be messy, but boy is it magnificent when it happens.
If you are blessing with a network of people of any kind, then you have a platform. Use it to change the world. It will be better because of it.
Kallie Kerne has a degree in Business and a Property and Casualty license. She's a boy mom, an optimistic hope giver, and a lover of all things health and wellness.
Her passion is to advocate for people, help them seek out that little voice of intuition, and encourage them to share their story.
She is the founder of Faith and Frankincense, a health and wellness community.
Connect with Kallie online: